This is more therapy than anything for me to write and my blog is meant to harness these moments in our lives to look back on. So with that being said, I am knee deep in the trenches of life with 3 children under 5. As I reflect on my day my mind races with what I could have done better because lately I honestly could do LOTS better.
What if I would have changed my tone or lowered my voice a couple notches. Would I have gotten a better reaction that would not have lead to me feeling like I just lost my patience and my control of the situation. Could I have guided my children to a better solution before the quarrels between them and eventually me escalated. I know in hindsight that these small things are really big things that will mold them in many ways. I know that my actions are their guide or model and they are the entire reason that I wanted to be there to bring them up. So why am I feeling so defeated lately. I know I am a good mom but this job is TOUGH sometimes. I also know that the toughness of it all is what makes the other days so joyous.
I read an article today that made me absolutely sob. It was from another mother who was comparing a nice article of clothing that needed to be washed in the gentle cycle to our children and here is an excerpt . . .
"Then into the basin to soak a while. Because, while a fast and furious normal wash might leave my dress without stain,
the scarring from the increased agitation is permanent.
Gentle. Deliberate. Full care.
The metaphor, though predictable -
because laundry is a perpetual event around here - is striking!
What if we mothered this way? What if the tantrums and fake tears weren’t met with out of control voices that only mirrored the child, but with self-control, and patience, and “hold my hand and listen to my words”? What if sarcasm was replaced with expressed interest in the person he/she is and is becoming?"
These words ring so true for me and truly remind me to talk a little quieter, speak a little more deliberate rather that with little interest and truly be patient amidst the chaos. I believe in my heart that we are creating world changers. I myself will do better at these things with my children because just as this other mother wrote,
"With extra care, careful to preserve their beating heart that can turn this way and that. With attention to the impact of our words. With the knowledge that our efforts, our actions, they’ll be repeated with our grandchildren.
The gentle cycle creates a legacy."
Motherhood is RIDICULOUSLY HARD sometimes but IT is also the most JOYOUS job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything! . . . And I mean ANYTHING!
