What Can I Do?

As I sit here so behind on posts and pictures lately, I just can't get past the tragedy that occurred 1 week ago today and what each of those families are enduring right now. I feel like I owe it to these lives lost, to listen to their parents talk about them, to learn a little about them - as painful as it is, I just feel like I should? And every story I hear, and face that I see breaks me a little more. There's this combination of helplessness, sadness, and fear that I haven't been able to shake. And my Christmas spirit? Gone.

Even taking Logan to preschool this week was hard. He has been wanting to not go lately and puts up a fight when we get there. He always has a great time once he's there but it's getting him in the door that has been a struggle. This week made it especially difficult not to just say, "Ok, let's go home! You can come with me." But I came to my senses and pushed him to go just as always(not without an extra big hug though).

And I realized something I can do to honor these families.

I can love.

I have never loved on my children or had so much patience as I have this week it seems. I don't think I've raised my voice once, but instead tried to listen to them more and hear every word they have to say. I can keep doing that, or at least work really hard at it.

I can not let this horrible, unthinkable thing define those precious lives, and live mine as best I can for them.

I can be more in the moment with my children, because they are HERE. God knows none of us have a clue what tomorrow will bring, and at the end of the day, I want them to feel how happy they make me.

I can step away from the computer and the emails and bake cookies and play dinosaurs and games instead.

I can savor Christmas with my children because I know that's what those little ones would be doing if they were here. We will celebrate for them, instead of weep for them. It seems like an impossible task, but I will dig deep and find that Christmas spirit somewhere, somehow.

Life is to be lived, and we don't know for how long. So instead of worrying every minute of every day when I send my babies out in the world, I'm going to channel that energy into prayer and trust in God that He's with them.

I'm sure the families of those taken on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary wish they could have more time with their angels.

So in their loving memory, I will devote more time to mine.

Love harder and stronger than you ever have before, friends. The world needs it more than ever.

Let love win.